I am here to conduct an experiment... Is it possible to get a guy I really like into a relationship by not getting too physical too quickly?
And by too physical I mean going all the way. Sure, there's chemistry, tension, and a lot of making out and then some.. But IF I put the brakes on having sex now, will this pay off later.
If something like this is a deal breaker, then the relationship never would have succeeded in the first place. Instead, it is more important early on to try and assess, outside of mere physical chemistry, whether or not the two of you are truly compatible and would enjoy each other's company in a number of activities outside the bedroom. For instance, this guy is super athletic and I am only somewhat so. Will this come between us as he jets off to mountain activities on weekends and I stay at home, or will we be able to find some outdoors activity that we can enjoy together.
Listening and Matthew Hussey's tips for how to handle this type of situation got me thinking. It is so important to make the guy not just feel rejected, but to let him know that I am still attracted to him, but that it's just too soon, or that I need to get to now him better. Letting him know I am still hot for him lets him know that I want this to work, and that I still need him.
The right guy will respect this, because now it makes him take a look at me in another light. Instead of just a hookup, I can also be a friend, a support, and comfort, and fun partner in other activities. It puts our young relationship in the framework of discovering compatibility on all other levels than sex. The goal is that with more time to consider these areas, a deeper bond will form, one that is formed on diverse experiences and conversations. This then will add more value to his life, and also to mine, along with saving me the heartache that may come from a physical relationship started too early only to end too quickly.
His reaction to this shift will also reveal his character and his propensity for patience when life doesn't go as planned. Maintaining a level and understanding head will prove valuable in any future relationship. On the reverse side, this is not meant for me to play a tease, but to balance the kind of interactions that we have. If I'm setting boundaries, then I should not just lead us up to that point all the time only to keep rejecting his advances at a certain point. This happened once, so the next time we hung out it was a lot more mellow and reverted mainly to head scratching.
Hopefully this relationship grows in diverse areas of compatibility. Until next time!